Time Flies
I am awake and listening to the never ending sounds of booms, pops and whistles from the arsenal of the neighbor’s stash of illegal fireworks, and thought, “hey, it’s been a mighty long time since I blogged.”
So, I sit here trying to think of witty and relevant things to say since this post has been such a long time in coming.
The following will have to suffice.
I am 30 days post surgery today. It has been a very long recovery, and it isn’t even close to being over yet. I am happy to report that the surgery went very well and it turned out that I only needed repair of a torn labrum, instead of the capsular shift that I was told I needed. This bodes extremely well for the long term success of the surgery and gives me much more hope to return to swimming and opens the door once again on the possibility of pregnancy should we want to go down that road.
The very difficult parts have been an inability to hold my daughter as much as I would like, dealing with guilt, frustration, boredom, PAIN, sleeping in a lazy boy for the past 30 days, and various other annoyances. The anger and frustration at the situation as a whole has been the most frightening part. We had someone commit to us that they would help us for 8 weeks. They made this commitment before we ever scheduled surgery and they were reminded more than once that it was a HUGE commitment, and that we needed them to be certain before we went ahead with the procedure. They insisted they were totally on board.
However, 10 days post surgery this person started voicing their displeasure at the amount of work it takes to run a household that contains a rather spicy 15 month old and my fears and anger started to really take over my brain at that point. Inevitably, at just before the 4 week mark, our helper announced her speedy departure.
I don’t believe I have ever felt such intense anger and hatred and disgust and frustration all at the same time. I felt betrayed and intensely fearful. Readers, it actually made me so upset that I felt unable to eat! Yes, my friends, THAT upset.
However, I, through the Grace of God, have come to an odd little peace over the whole thing. God has shown me kindness and provision and although I know we have some potentially difficult road ahead of us, I feel like we will not only get through this mess, but actually be incredibly better and stronger for it. That sounds incredibly cheesy, perhaps, but I’m so happy it rings true.
I also hope that this change in my heart will also carry over to creating more balance in my life and more time to do the things I most enjoy which really does include maintaining my little piece of cyber space, so I do hope to be here more and soon.
